Male Role Models Needed

Male Role s Needed

It is the time of the month that makes me sad. For most of those on the porches it is a relief. It is the first day of the month. The money has arrived. For families who have had little to nothing for the past ten days, the first could not come soon enough. Some young men in the neighborhood refer to this day as “Mother’s Day” (the day that mothers get paid). It is the day when most will live a normal middle-class life: minutes are added to pre-paid phones, personal hygiene items are purchased, McDonald’s Happy Meals and pizza arrive, and other “normal” things are obtained. The part that makes me sad is seeing - - - tickets littering the alley. I’m not worried so much about the litter; it is the thought of spending money trying to win their way out of poverty. I personally have not met a “winner”. I am sad when I see the big cars with tinted windows, usually from out of state, driving slowly up and down the street. I am sad because I know that in about eight to ten days “normal” life will have slipped through the hands of many of my neighbors.

However, what saddens me most is what “Mother’s Day” does to little boys and men. Absent fathers seem to be the norm in our neighborhood and for many in poverty. There are only a few positive father figures in the lives of most of the children. All children, but especially boys, need a male to look up to, to mentor them, and to help them figure out what it means to be a man. s are able look at their mothers to learn about women; yet they too, are lost on what real men are like. It is not that the mothers don’t try to be mom and dad, they try hard. However, when most the other boys have their dads at a scout meeting, fishing clinics, or coaching little league, a mom just isn’t the same. Boys growing up in this culture experience shame and humiliation, from other boys. Eventually, because some of these boys grow up without the positive discipline and example of a father, they can become angry and violent. Their lives are not like the other children in school. Even in families where there is divorce, there are often weekend visits, child support, birthday gifts, and Christmas presents. Intact families usually fare better.

When boys grow up with too much time on their hands, they get into trouble. They often find that cigarettes, , alcohol, and make them feel like real men. Run-ins with the law and jail time are common. As a young with little education, having not learned about work, and with little skill - - - options become limited. Some will end up homeless, living on the street. Others have no option but to move back in with their mother or someone else’s mother, which means that many men live with single moms and their kids, trying to be a “father” but really not knowing how. I wonder if the cycle can be broken. I wonder if we in the church spend more time caring for our buildings than we do building into someone else’s life. I know that all is not lost as I do know many good fathers and have met some remarkable single fathers in our neighborhood. I know of at least three; tomorrow you will meet them.